In honor of a friend who's struggling with a break up. He told me he is lonely and that he really feels the pain of and identifies with the following song he has been listening to by Weezer:
Tell me there's a logic out there.
Leading me to better prepare
For the day that something really special might come.
Tell me there's some hope for me.
I don't wanna be lonely
For the rest of my days on the earth.
(from Weezer's "Perfect Situation")
I feel bad for him and it made me glad to see that he's beginning to open up about his break up. I didn't think he was dealing with it for months and I'm glad we're friends cuz, I go through the same feelings as he does with the loss of intimacy with my loved ones and because men aren't usually very honest with each other about this stuff and I believe that it is due to an unhealthy "macho man" image perpetuated mostly among western males.
Having lived in Asia, I was much more impressed with the healthy honesty about their emotional struggles as men. There is much more emotional connection in friendships between men in just about every culture I've been to around the world (Central America, South America and Asia).
We're not women, but emotions weren't given only to women. Men fall in love, too. Men hurt, too. Men cry, too. And men need comfort and a listening ear, too.
Check out a Bollywood flick some time if you want to see healthy male emotion.
I was glad to get to be there to hear him out. He's hurting. God, please heal his broken heart.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
On being Northwestern
In the past few months I've connected with some guys from my hometown area: the Northwestern United States.
One is from Oregon and the other is from the Seattle area. They are housemates and I've thoroughly enjoyed getting to know them and hanging out at their house. And I've noticed something I had forgotten about my Northwestern kin folk. We can be verbally abusive and acidic in a friendly way with each other without offending one another and I just eat it up when I find people who "get that" about Northwesterners. I think of my friend Schuyler and his similar traits.
These guys just take me back to so much of the verbal sparing of my first 20 years of life in the Northwest. There's something tremendously sharp-tongued in a very witty sort of way about Northwesterners. You just have to be on your toes because we don't use trite platitudes, references to the obvious as pleasantry or repetitive phrases like "how are you today" without really wanting to know? Authenticity is highly valued there. Growing up, I don't remeber people asking me questions if they didn't want to know the answer... like "how you doing?" as they walk away. That kind of repetition is considered as boring and uncreative. That kind of insincere "pleasantry" is viewed suspiciously and platitudes are a waste of breath when one could say something meaningful and worthwhile.
So upon moving to South Carolina in 1997, you can only imagine what I had to learn there to get along. In fact, many I've met over that past 11 years on the East Coast tend to think me pretty rough around the edges and down right rude. But over the years, I've softened my language and learned to say "how are you" to everyone all day long as a kind gesture and make pleasant, fluffy statements about the obvious (like how cold it is or how warm it is or how good your new haircut looks). But meeting my new friends has brought back a side of me that I nearly forgot is an authentically Northwestern trait; ACTUALLY SAYING SOMETHING YOU TRULY THINK when you should be "making nice" despite the chance you'll offend the listener in some way.
And even more strange when I go back to Seattle in my mind there is something else I forgot. Children call their elder relatives and adult acquaintances by their first names (but not our teachers)... without appended titles like "Uncle" Joe or "Aunt" Kathy. The culture of those families root there since the 1800s (not transplants) is to call our aunt and uncle "Joe" or "Kathy" rather than "Uncle Joe" or "Aunt Kathy." And my neighbors growing up were "Steve" and "Nancy"... not "Mr. and Mrs.
Bergman" as they are usually called by children in my experience here on the East Coast (or is it just the South)?
Anyway, I've also noticed that my larger vocabulary returns around these guys. I remember words I have been unable to use for the past 10 years without getting odd and bewildered looks. In the Northwest, there is a mastery of the witty use of language and an expansive use of those rare vocabulary words you haven't heard since high school SATs. In 2005 and 2007, it has swapped places with Minneapolis, MN as the 1st or 2nd mot literate city in the USA. See
http://www.livescience.com/health/071227-literate-cities.html and
http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/news/2005-11-28-seattle-literate_x.htm
Now, I don't want to overplay this. Everybody has something special about the region where they grew up. But when you become a stranger in a strange land, it can be lost and forgotten just how different you are in your heart of hearts, until you meet your kindred people.
It's just a funny observation. Nothing more. :)
One is from Oregon and the other is from the Seattle area. They are housemates and I've thoroughly enjoyed getting to know them and hanging out at their house. And I've noticed something I had forgotten about my Northwestern kin folk. We can be verbally abusive and acidic in a friendly way with each other without offending one another and I just eat it up when I find people who "get that" about Northwesterners. I think of my friend Schuyler and his similar traits.
These guys just take me back to so much of the verbal sparing of my first 20 years of life in the Northwest. There's something tremendously sharp-tongued in a very witty sort of way about Northwesterners. You just have to be on your toes because we don't use trite platitudes, references to the obvious as pleasantry or repetitive phrases like "how are you today" without really wanting to know? Authenticity is highly valued there. Growing up, I don't remeber people asking me questions if they didn't want to know the answer... like "how you doing?" as they walk away. That kind of repetition is considered as boring and uncreative. That kind of insincere "pleasantry" is viewed suspiciously and platitudes are a waste of breath when one could say something meaningful and worthwhile.
So upon moving to South Carolina in 1997, you can only imagine what I had to learn there to get along. In fact, many I've met over that past 11 years on the East Coast tend to think me pretty rough around the edges and down right rude. But over the years, I've softened my language and learned to say "how are you" to everyone all day long as a kind gesture and make pleasant, fluffy statements about the obvious (like how cold it is or how warm it is or how good your new haircut looks). But meeting my new friends has brought back a side of me that I nearly forgot is an authentically Northwestern trait; ACTUALLY SAYING SOMETHING YOU TRULY THINK when you should be "making nice" despite the chance you'll offend the listener in some way.
And even more strange when I go back to Seattle in my mind there is something else I forgot. Children call their elder relatives and adult acquaintances by their first names (but not our teachers)... without appended titles like "Uncle" Joe or "Aunt" Kathy. The culture of those families root there since the 1800s (not transplants) is to call our aunt and uncle "Joe" or "Kathy" rather than "Uncle Joe" or "Aunt Kathy." And my neighbors growing up were "Steve" and "Nancy"... not "Mr. and Mrs.
Bergman" as they are usually called by children in my experience here on the East Coast (or is it just the South)?
Anyway, I've also noticed that my larger vocabulary returns around these guys. I remember words I have been unable to use for the past 10 years without getting odd and bewildered looks. In the Northwest, there is a mastery of the witty use of language and an expansive use of those rare vocabulary words you haven't heard since high school SATs. In 2005 and 2007, it has swapped places with Minneapolis, MN as the 1st or 2nd mot literate city in the USA. See
http://www.livescience.com/health/071227-literate-cities.html and
http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/news/2005-11-28-seattle-literate_x.htm
Now, I don't want to overplay this. Everybody has something special about the region where they grew up. But when you become a stranger in a strange land, it can be lost and forgotten just how different you are in your heart of hearts, until you meet your kindred people.
It's just a funny observation. Nothing more. :)
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Responsible Gift Giving 101
THIS JUST IN!
After all my research (multiple links below), THIS SITE is an AMAZING selection of companies giving 1% to 20% or more to the charity of your choice (1000s of choices including: animals, arts, culture, education, environment, health, human services, international, community, religion and youth)
You must register first, but it's totally worth it. The options are amazing! I've decided to buy all my gifts for my kid-cousins on here!
Benevolink
Socially Responsible gifts for Kids:
Benevolink
Ten Thousand Villages
Uncommon Goods
The Hunger Store
Shop where your gift goes direct to a great cause!
Physicians for Human Rights
Amnesty USA
OR
Give to the financially poor in your loved one's name:
Oxfam America
World Vision Gifts
OR
Shop Fair Trade
Ten Thousands Villages
Global Exchange Store -- under $30
OR
Buy where $1 per order goes to a charity of your choice:
Uncommon Goods
AND FINALLY
For that hardcore idealist on your list who would rather that money went to the financially poor in their name! Get them THIS:
TisBest Charity Card
After all my research (multiple links below), THIS SITE is an AMAZING selection of companies giving 1% to 20% or more to the charity of your choice (1000s of choices including: animals, arts, culture, education, environment, health, human services, international, community, religion and youth)
You must register first, but it's totally worth it. The options are amazing! I've decided to buy all my gifts for my kid-cousins on here!
Benevolink
Socially Responsible gifts for Kids:
Benevolink
Ten Thousand Villages
Uncommon Goods
The Hunger Store
Shop where your gift goes direct to a great cause!
Physicians for Human Rights
Amnesty USA
OR
Give to the financially poor in your loved one's name:
Oxfam America
World Vision Gifts
OR
Shop Fair Trade
Ten Thousands Villages
Global Exchange Store -- under $30
OR
Buy where $1 per order goes to a charity of your choice:
Uncommon Goods
AND FINALLY
For that hardcore idealist on your list who would rather that money went to the financially poor in their name! Get them THIS:
TisBest Charity Card
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