Confrontation! Is it worth it?

1st I really desire justice. Deeply. I seethe inside when I read about Omar Al Bashir, Joseph Kony, Pol Pot, Joseph Stalin, Hitler, and I even get mad at Bush/Chaney alot for what I consider injustice.

And I will likely be angry at our upcoming president. Authority needs to be called out. I am a person who was taught to call out.

You see, somewhere in my upbringing, I was brought up in a family of confronters and taught to be even more confrontational in my highly Charismatic church in a rather confrontational state, culturally speaking (Washington state).

I was taught in my family mostly to correct others I see doing wrong and correct them quickly (even adults) and to ask questions later. It may be hard to believe... but imagine an Italian family with flashes of hot Irish and German temper.

Seriously. That's where I come from. And I've actually changed alot just from living for 6 years in South Carolina and 5 years in Virginia.

These aren't excuses. Just facts. And despite being from that background, I want to fit in and learn to be different and to be more careful with my words and temper. I really do. But I also see some strengths in my cultural and confrontational background.

For instance, without confronters, there would have been no Jesus challenging the
Pharisaical Jewish teachings of 2000 years ago.

Without confronters, there would have been no Martin Luther and no reformation of the Catholic church in 1517.

Without confronters, there would have been no George Fox and Quaker-led resistance of slavery in the 1600s in Britain and America and no Quaker network of underground railroads for freed men and women.

Without confronters, there would have been no William Wilberforce to press even past the death threats against his Slavery Abolition Act 1833.

Without confronters, there would have been no Sojourner Truth and her amazing 1850s "Ain't I a Woman" speech.

Without confronters, there would have been no Women's Suffrage of 1920 in the US.

Without confronters, there would have been no Winston Churchill of 1933-1945

Without confronters, there would have been no Martin Luther King Jr. leading to the Civil Rights Laws passed in 1968.

Without confronters, there would be no protest against the horrors going on in Sudan and Congo right now as we speak (not to mention Gaza *and* against Israel).

Without confronters, there would be no Common Table Church (which I dearly love and who I believe have confronted since founding and continuing to confront some of the biggest evangelical protestant church failures of our day).

Without confronters, I think there would be no theOoze.com, no emergent conversation, no rethinking of energy conservation or movement toward alternative fuels and environmental sustainability.

Long live the confronters! And may I also one day live with such zeal for the right.

But what I'm learning about myself is that while my heart is truly trying to be a confronter, I'm more often a *reactor*. An unthoughtful reactor. And for that I apologize. I want to be used by God to heal and challenge and be healed and challenged. Not to steal kill and destroy. And I'm sorry if I've stolen, subtly killed or destroyed you, dear reader.

An Unbridled Tongue

1st: my blog is a place where I let fly a lot. So is facebook.

2nd: I've really blown it this time.

Until recently hearing how far and wide my latest failure made it, I had no idea how bad a mistake I had made. I hurt people who I love. I attacked someone unmercifully and in anger and with very limited knowledge of her situation. And now that I look back on it, I would not have wanted done to me what I did to this person on Facebook.

And for that, I wish to apologize to everyone who watched a real sad attack on my part. I have a problem -- an unbridled tongue and a tendency toward knee-jerk reactions when I see what I consider to be injustice and attack upon my friends -- even when I have absolutely no knowledge of the scenario.

True justice takes research, questions, investigation, trials, etc. Reaction is not justice. That is what I am learning. Being reactionary is what a friend called me out on a few months back as me creating my own "myth of redemptive violence."

You see, somewhere I missed that family teaching on tact, verbal restraint and bearing with others in love and patience. I was taught in my family mostly to correct others I see doing wrong and correct them quickly (even adults) and to ask questions later. But I am beginning to see the folly of my family history and personal history of knee-jerk reaction. I just come from a very different place than most people I know, culturally... very much different than most families (except a couple of the harshest Italian and/or Irish/German immigrant families I've met and read about).

I was reminded of this from my recent visit back to Seattle for 2 weeks where I was told that I have totally "toned it down" and I've become "soft" and even "woosie" (said in that blunt Seattelite way).

So none of this excuses what I've done or who I've hurt. But it does make me believe that I have toned it down and can continue to improve with the help of 4 friends who have confronted me and offered me loving accountability. With that confrontation, I hope to hurt fewer and fewer people. Slowly but surely.

A friend of mine recently offered to serve as a filter for me to help me think before I post here.

I am really indebted to this person. Because this person has already given me some feedback that was really enlightening about a blog post I was about to put up. I have even submitted this very post to this person for evaluation.

I'm now beginning to wonder how much pain my blog posts have caused people over the years.

If you're someone I've hurt, please let me know. Please be confrontational like 4 people in my community have been with me in the past month... if you don't tell me, I cannot grow. And growing is really my only interest in this life.

And not hurting others needlessly is something I have decided needs to be a new goal for me. It's a new year. And I'm hoping to change. Please help me if you know me. As best I can, I will be practicing a 24 hour resting period on my blog and facebook posts when I am angry.